You made me feel

Honestly I cannot denie the fact that out of the millions of faces I see everyday
it was you who actually made me feel something
it was not just attraction
it was not just emotion
it was not just feelings
love is not just the word.
It was not just touch
It was just not perfection
It was not just smell
I did not have to hear it
I just knew
you understood me.
and that made me feel safe for everyone else.

Post Apocalyptic Love Songs

I just had to talk to you no matter what

I don’t want love to feel wrong

There's something inside me that needs your touch

a touch only a smile could answer

I drove to the end of time

Just to see how I would die

then I thought of you

And found nothing there

Heros die first

Its the only way

we would ever listen.

I don’t want love to feel wrong

There's something inside me

that feels like

there's nothing there

Seven years

I am not the man that I used to be.
Recognize the man in the mirror I see
Left behind the flakes of cells
under my bed
except the memories in the cell of my
mind seven years is not the same me
seven years and not the same you.
one chance is all we got.
say something damn it and make it good!

Another chapter dawned

Another chapter dawned yet still we stand side by side.
Recondite feelings have drought the energy of a tired eye.
I keep mines open, as the other sleeps as you did for me,
I understand your soul, recoup well, kind friend.
The life of an artist as attractive as it may seem,
who would know the heavy burden of pain,
it took to carry while walking on the field?
I've used the word love too many times; I must confess,
but I used them as true as I could possibly know.
I walk alone, and will die alone, but I will never live alone.
All I know what we did to make this life beautiful,
is that it mattered when I met you.
Wherever you are, I pray to what I believe
may you find someplace good.
I hope inside you feel free.
I wish to meet you again
and experience this journey
I love you with all my heart dear friend
until the very end

self

I stared in the mirror yesterday until I have come to the realization there is nothing wrong with me. I looked into my eyes and the universe stared into itself. I smiled and moved my eyebrows, and checked my dimples. I stood up straighter with my head high. I said in the mirror... its possible.

time

I am grateful that I have the time to evaluate myself.
I am healing and the ball is rolling collecting days of sobriety.
All small victories.
I am hurting right now, but pain is just a reminder I am in the right path.
Like fire testing the quality of gold. Temperament adversity tests a strong willed person.

I am grateful to go through this pain and suffering, because if I conquer this I will be stronger spiritually.
And that is something great to look forward to.
I keep telling myself it will be better and more meaningful on the other side. Time will test truth.

the meaning of "I don't care"

I drove to the end of time,
And found nothing there,
during the middle of
a circling conversation,
I ended it with "I don't care."

they say words are vibrations,
I feel your energy in the air,
merely spells, they only work
if you believe or are aware

the language in the tounge,
the eloquence of truth,
the time it took
the meaning from heart.
the silent listener.
the mind let absorbing
the things left unseen

the meaning told differently

do misunderstandings happen for a reason?
is this thought thicker than blood?
I need more time to answer
I need more time to think

does love only have one perfect shot?
Can a man not be a creep for once.
Can I know what's going on your mind?
without even telling you.

does the word sorry mean it is my fault?
do I have the wrong bullets for this gun...
argues through talking at another
ego blinds the perception

the bubble bursts, the ripple in water moves
the painting dries and is abandoned.

twenty nine teen

the most productive year in a long time. it is officially snowballing

no more social media

all millennial artists are stupid fucking bullshitters.
ESPECIALLY the ones with a degrees.

coachella is fucking stupid

coachella is fucking stupid

love

I'm afraid of finding someone.
who I could never want to leave,
who would seemingly change their mind.
especially when they won't feel the same way
especially when nothing gets answered when I pray

I want to dream
of finding my true love.
who becomes my best friend
where we gift ourselves to walk
through life together
and experience gods gift
to never be alone

I want to look up
When I see you in the stars
when I feel pain
It's the reason I want to get up.
I want to be alive.

I only want one person
I can give my all to
I want to live in a fantasy in my words
because real life ain't what its ought to be.

help

When life comes crashing
down from the sky,
first, I have to check my phone.
pick up whats left of the rubble.
whats left of my soul.
pick up my words,
that don't even matter
death is a door
everyone walks out of

we only have so much time
in this world together

i don’t understand why
anyone
who’s ever loved me
wouldn’t hold on to me?

love

Lately,

all of me

has felt lost

or

unconnected

I could smell the good memory,

something smarter like an android can't comprehend tty

I look for you but do you look for me?

on waiting for love

i know deep down inside i want to be better. When I go deep down inside it is dark and foggy. I want to stay up high for something I was taught to make me happy, but in reality I know it is only a dream. I soon realized i was programmed only to be complete with a family and a best friend who is my wife. While no body is really even truly happy with themselves, so they find love in other places and end up in other peoples beds. Deep down inside I just lay down and bury my own grave... because we were born alone and ultimately die alone. sometimes i wonder if being dead only lasts a couple minutes like an orgasm. sometimes i wonder if it will ever go back to two people needing each other for the sake of making the dream come true. and then the rest of the time i am awake, regretting why i even opened my eyes again. i heard my friend tell me that he is waiting on gods time. it made me reassure myself that I should know what day it is.

rant

i sometimes still find myself talking like you
inside jokes and little quotes
if i said i wasn't sad it wouldn't hold true
if i said i wasn't happy its what i moved on to
i wrote these feelings in cryptic woes
not even knowing where my finger on the keyboard go
these are just thoughts these are just spells
inprisoned but free from my mind i call a cell