11/29/11-11.30.11

Lost things, in a clean room.
In return, forgotten memories reappear before my eyes.
Overwhelmed by. Thoughts, or the cling of coffee.
Good times.
Simplicity. to be glad to have a bed!!!
everytime I need to come back to you.
Away from a scary reality. Outside they scream the first amendment,
but reminding myself the third.
I can't say thanks. Because we do not understand each other.
Polar opposites, inbetween stands
"I". and "don't"; and "no".
Forgotten to be written in books,
or on the internet,
by people who were born before I,
let them live in my insipiration, 
by living the moment and sharing the air .
Divination like love it bewares
a fire. Flame. Energy, in the game is not lost or transformed by definition,
somewhere else it has been gained,
plane jane, playin along the words,
freedom flying birds the prey is
inside a bigger brain,
until fate recognizes balance. I can't say thanks

sunny everyday in california

inside my mind, a universe infinite unable to be defined, because
of the everchanging kind. we call ourselves individuals,
in the residual habitual ego, we face in the wilderness country
I have been born into. let who do that to go where I go
through who no clue but to find out to know
where others have been through, outside sick its cold coughing
people with flu whatchugonna do when they beat you.
opposites attract because they are the same too. words are
powerful when you use them to assist you.

Sometimes

I like to be home alone with my kitty, eating a carrot,
take a bite and dip it in a jaccuzzi glass chilling in crushed ice and carrot juice
along with hummus and ritz crackers. it feels good,
it feels like love, time right now feels like a perfectly fit glove,
the weekend is ahead and I lay here on the couch not on my bed.
he looks out the window for me like a television, silence is what we listen,
please kikikitty tell me what I have missed in the outside world.
he lays there above me saying nothing... watching... eyes closed I've missed nothing at all :)

Lately I have been sleeping very late and waking up in the afternoon. This is something I do not want to do. I still exercize daily and I am learning how to stretch my legs by touching my toes.

Things I don't have right now

Give me a pen so they will listen.
Give me a time so we can create.
Give me a smile so I can feel young.
Give me a job so I can eat.
Give me a chance so I can do.
Give me a glance so I can exist.
Give me a mistake so I can feel.
Give me a cigarette so I can die.

I lost my friend along the way

Times like these, I shouldn't dwell,
on something that was meant to be
a living hell, a tall tale, claustrophobic
in my room, in my mind.
I am frozen on the other side with
my loved ones screaming, I cant talk back.
I am getting older I cant turn back
I know what to do but I'm just sitting here
with wrinkled clothes all over the floor
somebody slap me in the face before there
is no more, no more... anymore time in this race?
He let himself have it
It was not meant for me, and I put myself down
like everybody else in history
I am my own worst enemy. blah blah blah ha ha ha
I lost a friend, my bestfriend someone I truly loved
and I am tired of losing it by giving up
cant see me this way but you can read it
I am sad I am sad and I dont care

Believing in Something

I have experienced the saddness of loss,

heavy tears which keep you frozen in time,

and in history everytime

we do it to ourselves,

even though we have books and internet,

we have to experience things on our own.

we say things we dont mean,

when tired physically, or mentally

we are never the same as each day goes on.

so let this poem remind us to forgive

and hate is only temporary, but love

is undying. Let our truth be the same

in harmony just as each organ in

the human body functions together.

My words inspired by my friends and family,

I hope you one day become one of them.

In tough times we have each other,

in return we keep on going.

we will only do what a human can,

destroy with our left and create with our right,

it is only nature, we cannot forget we are part of,

I believe that I will be written in a history book,

what is it that you believe in?

If it doesn't hurt, what is the point

in anything that we do.

Keep going even when it hurts

because pain is only a reminder that you are still alive.

Only if it is worth it, you must go all the way

scared

Deep down in my heart I am putting everything out there with my name on it. I have done so much and proved myself but I am scared for what the future will hold. So many emotions this month and so many changes I dont know what the next day will hold. I need to break the ice and keep moving and I cant stay frozen. I am almost there and every dark night there is a brighter day after that

figuring out

There are most certainly many degrees of an artist. For instance, there is the businesman where you have to promote yourself to the public. There is the philospher who shows the meaning within the art, and last but not least the emotional artist, the one who pushes for more, always critiquing oneself, always happy or either sad. At the same time all these degrees that shape an artist always seem to clash and very difficult to maintain together. in my opinion, I think each degree wants to stay away from one another

bat

I don't want to know what you look like,
I don't want to know if you don't tell me
Tell me something to hear your voice
give me something to feel
sometimes I forget and not think
not going to do the things I am supposed to
I drive and turn right then left and straight
I get bored and want to go home
I sleep alone
I wait for the time to pass
I don't want to know anything in
this age of information
I want to sit in the sun
and smile with the wind
between my teeth
and care less with bukowskis grave
not rhyming with traditional rules
and expensive schools
and friends and money and memories
I I I I I
listening to a cave echo
my talons wont let go
scars that remind me of everything

sleeping early

Lately I have been sleeping and waking up early. I dont like to drink coffee as much or think too much anymore, I grow
tired of a chaotic schedule and look forward to seeking some type of formula for organization.

frozen

From the other side ov the looking glass. Fingernails almost touch a Desire scratching everything I need, a breath to live.

I can't be president forever/I can't be everyones curator but I certainly was never Santa Claus

It is in my good nature to help everyone around me and to do things for the best interest of things. I have worked very hard to make something good for the community and for the arts. I have learned many things and I have met many people. One of my goals growing up was to make a friend in every city that I visited. When I am out meeting people, it doesn't nesscessarily mean that everyone will like me. If I could inspire people to do things for themselves, then I think I have done my part to contribute to society without getting any credit for it. So everyone do what you want to do and put the time in because if you are going to be a cry baby whining shit talker I dont roll with suckers and I fuck with busters

Respect

4-17-2011

It feels good to relax after you have acomplished so many things. I feel as though I am doing things to quickly and also working on too many projects. I have learned many things by failing and picking myself up. I want to show everyone not to be afraid to fail because you learn from your mistakes. I think nobody cares because they are fucking themselves with their egos. I feel that our attention span is becoming shorter because of all the information coercing us to buy products, to think what is right/healthy, ect... And then all in all in order to keep myself sane, I want to be a man with morals. To help others and teach them to do things for themselves. It feels good to be a noble person, then I litterally feel the world has already ended and I want to tell everyone stop pretending that they are trying to save it. I become sour because the world doesn't care, I become isolated because I am afraid of the world. I am lost in what I think is right. I don't even know what is right anymore. "Be true to the game and the game will be true to you."

4-17-11

I want to be known for my art and my integrity as much as the sensationalism I provide for the history of mankind

4-11-11

I honestly believe that in my experience in producing paintings, that it does not matter that one works or goes to school or both and say that is a reason why they cannot make the time to create art. In my experience in working in financial services, I understand that work may be tiring or at times consuming. But what really makes a difference is the drive the individual has to do what s/he really wants to do. The hardest thing in creating art is starting. No excuses. No not "I'm depressed" or "I'm tired" or "I got hurt" or "I'm lazy" (admittingly) because that is all on you. People in jail find ways to create art in small spaces with little tools. You only have one life and it is up to the individual to make things happen. I do not work right now and I have used the time to be as productive as I can but I know my flaws and how much effort I can put my body through and we all know sleep and rest is an important thing. This is why I believe the capacity of somebody doing art is just the same for someone who works or someone who does not work. It is all on drive and ambition. Always practice drawing and make it a habit to brea bad habits. By not working, I realized that being productive is a matter of putting in the time that will eventually accumulate into something worth being proud of.

My New Years Resolution for 2011

So my new years resolution for this year is that I will not let anyone walk all over me.

History still repeats itself

Its a good thing for people to learn for themselves

and experience life in their own insanity

know it all's and quasi cosmopolitan teens, the masses of society

all the answers lay there on towering antique dusty shelves.

don't you know what you look like when you're wasted?

the addiction completes you, your love for life you first tasted.

we can't hide forever real life is something everyone must deal with

I do not need to steal ideas I have my own

Let's get the facts straight. How can i "steal" someones "idea" when I never understood their "idea" nor did I even like or could even relate to what your cause is about. Don't flatter yourself and don't you ever disrespect me. I don't have to help you, if whatever I coincidentally did to help people doesn't mean I stole their idea. Helping others is not even an idea in the first place. For someone I once considered a friend to even say I have "manipulated" you and have "used" you hurts me dearly. Because from day one I had your back, from the time you said someone else stole your idea and allegedly tried to flirt with you and you said "bite your neck" to the time you got kicked out of your own house and needed a place to sleep. I had your back you should have mine. I have been getting someone blow up at me because "my name is everywhere, well my name is everywhere because I have proven to execute extra curricular activities and turn them into real life experience" Even to say "that's a personal problem" to me why would I want to help you now you don't even know how to talk to people or respect people you work with. Everybody has the same idea to help others. There are people who are doing the same thing you are doing. If it was ever your mysterious idea nobody knows about why didn't you execute and make it happen yourself in the first place?

I am only here to get the job done and give credit to those who have helped me through assisting me. My goal to help others through experience and resume building and networking is all I can offer. If you felt that I have not given you credit, network, or even felt used you are free whenever you wish to not work with me or help me in my events. I encourage and hope to inspire others to do what they want to do and execute their own events, but it does not mean that I should loose a friendship over it. I find your words hurtful and this post is a way for me to vent. I do not like dealing with people who have something to hide and are emotional draining. This is a way to get my thoughts out, I feel disrespected, I do not need to "steal" peoples ideas that is not who I am. If you ever did know me, I have my own ideas that I express who I am and to share with the rest of the world.

Why

Nobody gives a fuck about a man's feelings.

love

to love is more than thinking about yourself. to care and and be understanding towards another or something. I think everyone knows the feeling one way or the other.

venting 1-31-2011

Looking back at pictures, remembering thoughts I'd thought I would forget, realism, feelism. Appreciate everything somebody does for you in your life. Meeting someone is experiencing that person at that time. People change, therefore we must forgive. We must change the world or be changed by the world. I do not want to be walked on, neither does anyone else I assume so we build our walls, we create contracts and enforce laws. It feels like nobody is taught respect or loyalty anymore. Nobody wants to get stepped on. Nobody wants to get dirty, nobody wants to fall, you only can have no mistake, nobody wants to see each other face to face. Nobody has the time. I was a nobody but now it seems I am getting to know more people and I am in the radar now. I appreciate everything everyone has done for me because when I had no one that is when I had to do everything by myself without someone to talk to, without someone to vent to. I know how being alone feels. Create is to record and the more you record you find you are one step closer into finding who you are. I hope somebody who reads this can relate to me in some way.

1/13/11

There is no better feeling than to be appreciated.