Only good

I wanted to so hard,

And a part of me

Has died inside.

I listened to my mother,

Decided

Left, 

with the pack,

And regret every moment.

I turned away

From true love.

And before 

I only knew

Myself.

A long time ago,

Someone very close,

Did the same to me.

So now I know,

What it was like

To be in her shoes.

Except

I could never 

Be as brave

To drive 100 miles

To say 

I don't love you anymore. 

Because even though I did

I still want to

Go back.

But I meant to.

Look

At

Only good.

No end

I can't turn back time
just like my word
too much pride.
never going back
where I came from.

No words

Can describe

The sorrow 

Of something 

That has no end.

the lines we draw

I fell off the face of the Earth
and like all life,
1% rises again.

rebirth
of a new age
every cell is completely new
from seven years ago
drawing the future
from silent thoughts
burning the bridges
thinking of things to do
on the way home.
At least they are my decisions
and I can't make the same mistakes.

9/7/2015 6:06pm

The misconception of being an artist isn't being famous or clean but restless and messy. I got that idea from my brother when he said the most well respected artists were not artists first, but had jobs and lives that gave the experiences and hardships that were later expressed in their art. Where were we when we spent so long "finding ourselves" is like the feeling of creating a masterpiece that nobody understands and that is fulfilling to me. I can no longer follow anyone else's journey for I am holding my sanity by a thread, like a kite behind me and I can hide it really well. I believe I can control the wind, the sea is my consciousness, and the wind makes every little ripple in the water. Every ripple makes another ripple and a bigger one which becomes uncontrollable. Calm ocean almost like a marble slate I can walk onto the horizon with my hands in my pockets looking down at my reflection.

paintings are never finished, only abandoned

I have paintings that are not yet finished,
with thoughts and dreams and memories in every stroke
in a timeless moment which can tell a different story to a bystander
and I shed the most tears
like a crocodile like a beast like a man
like a tree cut down with no one to listen to
behind the scenes are the best memories
the secret is to do it for yourself
which makes art the ripest fruit
that sits highest from the tree.

quiet one

The one who does nothing
sits like a seed
waiting to grow
still like the stars
standing pseudo
under the inglewood night sky
guiding the planes
safely to their little lives
awaiting for their turn
to be something.
like the tracks
off a dusty fence.
like the pain
of the act of starting
a dream.

Not Me

In some of the most negative moments,
are just inevitable circumstances,
to know thyself, even if you are
what you never wished to be.
the sky tears and none knows
it grows a forrest
I'm walking into.
and grown old
out of my bed
forgetting anyone to love
sit on the rooftops
and look at the stars
falling in love with the wrong people.

you smell like my friends house

you smell like my friends house
when i am near you
when i think of all the things
that are not you.
and i pretend
that if i treat this person
good

then
you never disappeared

Last meal

I knew it would be my last meal.
It was quite. Not even the birds chirped.
Not even the crickets sang.

Not even the phone rang.

I just had a feeling things weren't gonna be the same.

July 13th 2015

Inside your eyes,
I died inside

In every breath,
is a present

ahead is Death,
awaiting for your

turn to leave
and the
ultimate sadness
is the reward
that you are
still alive

to witness
all the beauty
and know all
of what you are

send all the feelings
and direct them to ether
for we all leave this shell
in this place
we've all experienced.

I fell in love and thought I lost it so below as above a two way street doesn't know the meaning of quit. just lay on the floor the things you do when you're bored like a double edge sword and a man with no clue wouldn't you do the same, if you were in my shoes?

I know a woman who I treat with the upmost respect,

Because I live up to the title of being that person in someone's life,

And part of that title is to be someone who can protect

Her from people who are probably far beyond more sinister than I 

And I know this because I stand by my truth

And if I can't fulfill that character I stay away 

I lost my brother

In the shadows of life

False evidence appearing real

In the junk of materialism 

In what is in my so called morals,

I am embarrassed to even speak

Of my family in what I see

I turn the other cheek

I am burned by the sun.

Pride is what makes a man weak.

And your word is more 

Than what money can offer.

And respect is 

what makes a man 

Stand upright.

In USA

Where I was born

Even your own 

Can turn on you.

You're not smart

When everyone 

Else doesn't think

You're smart.

Nobody really leaves

When s/he is in your mind

Or your heart

Or here right now.

Nobody really leaves.

They are just here

To teach you who you are

And we all change

And inspired

And walk out the same door

Especially in this day and age

Ignorance is a choice

How high what floor we see in our tower

Is how far we have to fall back down

To start over again 

I told myself one time

No matter how painful it is

To get to my will

It is only that much more worth it

To just get there and finish.

Maybe that's why people visualize

Everyone they know watching them fall

When we lie to rest 

Maker

I fell in love with a memory,

And even those things change.

Unless you they come out your mouth

The time they ought to be expressed.

Or they come out deranged and retarded

Headed south, to where all the failed

First impressions go. With all the okcupid dates.

With all the ones bottled up and shy

And the ones who open up the wrong bottles

And the ones who would rather die 

Because mustering up the courage

Isn't in their blood. 

Something to live for.

Something to breathe for.

Something to stand up for.

Something to think about 

It's not expensive if it is your passion

Art is always an adventure

When you have the right tools

Like you can't wait to wake up

To await what is brought before you

Who do you say I am Infinity fool 

Like jumping into action 

Giving my soul to the universe

Into the minds of future leaders

5/18/15

What does it feel like to die?

If pain is only a reminder that you're alive.

I bet only when it starts to get serious,

when there's no choice to question why.

I got only so far being fearless, 

My foolish focus -

Was my profound

Reality,

in my hands.

@aeonovthinewill

Hawthorne Blvd

I like these rainy days,

& the starry nights,

With the falling stars.

Blurry neon traffic lights.

Long walks to ice cream

We've all seen

The same moon 

chasing the same dream

For all the woes in the world

Shall be dealt with tomorrow

I'm told.

There is no try

I've been there.

Set life to 

black and white.

It's all on me.

If we play 

A game

You'll be

The good guy

And I'll be

The bad guy.

I don't explain

Myself when I 

Fail.

11pm

Dear Art,

It is only in your profound beauty can

You express my sorrows in such an

Eleoquent way. That could only remind

Such a person that they are sane. And

As I get older, life gets harder and harder that sometimes just believing in you reminds me of the good old days. 

Happy/not Happy

Yesterday's rain were Gods tears,

Kept the free ones up like espresso, 

felt like a blisters forced out,

With nothing but an imprint,

From the world off your shoulders.

I disowned my own blood.

What A terrible feeling,

To learn how to Love,

Except how to break up.

A lonely drive with no music on.

Is how I feel everyday.

Deciphering

It felt like Christmas 

Waiting for my food

At an evening diner

Looking out the window

Street lights gleaming

Homeless pretending

To be eating. 

For the water

From somewhere not here

To being alive 

Something the rich

Are always searching for 

I'll eat anything

And I felt a certain way

Keeping myself from

Doing things made me

Feel bad

It's Christmas 

And I got nothing 

So I decided to

Do everything 

Until there is nothing

Left to feel

Unlike life

Open your mouth

But don't tell them 

Your goals

If you want to eat.

Jameson

Liquid Amber spirit flowing

Within thy veins

Used for courage

And wounds

For the unbeatable odds

In the vibration Ov her presence

Among the room

And unwrongly drift of rhythm

Something more terrible than droplet skies

Without a jacket 

Without time 

I remember what my brother told me

When I looked in his eyes

Was that when someone has

Too much time

They tend to waste time

There are have pictures of me

Trapped in a box 

Never to be looked at 

I don't know

I thought there was a bee on my neck

But it was only the tag on my vest

Caffienated bee sting only die when

They sting you. Frozen to rest I don't 

Move and I am sad. Break me into pieces at least I am free, I feel stupid and ashamed to be quiet. I don't eat and I want to stay away from everyone like my friend I havnt seen in a while. I'm not perfect, so I don't deserve anything. I just want to stay away I am not what you want.

untitled 4-5-15 sun 6:47pm

I only cry in secret like taking a shit, something so sacred beyond reasoning like taking a hit, I could feel it in my heart because I am alive I could only live once so I must thrive can you tell me again to let go of this ego I learned to become in the place that does not matter, take me to a better place If I don't belong to heaven then I worshipped the wrong God.

Paintings

Sometimes I wonder 

Where my paintings go,

Like ex lovers. If they ever

Found someplace good

Or stuck in a closet

Painted over and burned.

Forever, is what we have become

Without each other, we could never learn what we are.

Something we are and not. 

Something I cannot do is deny my soul.

Shade

I got a million things on my mind

And I where do I begin?

Tired stressed alone

But the love of those who are dear

Can give me all the reason to overcome 

My karma is not yours

Smashed cups together in a violent cheer

A laugh to not giving a fuck

Spoken to taken the wrong way

Everyday is just a little more interesting

From the tip of my tounge an idea

Not shared on facebook

Because nobody would care 

Except 10% who actually reads

Back when we were babies 

Who saw the world without words 

Are their purest form

I go back to my bed

Like I go back to you 

And nothing matters.

3-10-15 thoughts

I was put into this world to be an Artist. A painter, and yes I have hit walls that prevent me to be who I truly am. But within my goals are subgoals that will help me take me where I need to be. It is beyond money, or fame, or to be a good role model, it is to do what I was put here to do on this Earth. And like every single artist that is inside of your will, at the end of the day it will be my decision, and I have to do what I feel is best at that certain situation in time.

I never tried

I never opened my mouth

For the sake of holding a dream

And keeping it that way

Bottled up inside a perfect idea

A game without a beginning 

So that there is no play

My heart is stagnant 

My love is wretched 

I'm embarrassed 

So I hide away 

I don't 

I'm ashamed 

to love again.

Thoughts 2:24am 2/22/15

Maybe everything that happens on Earth is caused by the imagination from the sun from its rays the things we don't see the things we don't take for granted my mind wanders, like my personality. Like everyone else. But I awake every now and then. It gets lonely being awake, I do not see much of anyone awake usually. especially ones who claim to be "intellectuals". I stopped calling myself an artist not for the mere fact that I do not paint everyday anymore. But because I chose to believe everyone is an artist in their own way. I am undefinable because I am ever changing.

I just get my keys and go

Far away sometimes

Wherever I want

I learned this 

A long time ago

I think it happens

When you get used 

To it being alone

And take pictures

I wonder sometimes

Not even the Internet

Will last forever 

And everything 

On here will 

Disappear 

Except

 for right now

Is that 

you are

reading 

this

I vibrate

My soul 

Unto yours

I fell in love with myself in a mirror one time I couldn't do that compared to my whole life and they say all you need is one yes I starved myself because I wasn't proud of myself that I gave all I had left to the wrong person. At least she wasn't from LA, they would have stole my identity... The hate in your eyes I see a reflection of me in them. It is the only thing that reminds me I'm a human, I'm not an animal. I have too much on my mind, which way to go. I spit in the ocean with sharks who thirst for blood. I tell them mines no good and they stray off. I don't know what's right or wrong anymore because I want to make everyone happy. When I fail to do so it makes me unhappy. What stress I put upon myself, it's kinda funny. To think that it all doesn't matter 

Driem

There wasn't anyone like me when I was young.

I guess I didn't look hard enough...

And with all the years of fun

Made my life rough

Under the sun

Under the shade

Under the sea

Until I got older

I met a Lott of people like me

Yet they never done what I've been through.

Sort the beans

There is no "I" in team

There sounds like an i in dream

Somewhere

Handsome man who doesn't like himself

Such a tragedy 

To live by

What others think

Years spent 

Hating himself 

Everyone

Goes through hating

Oneself

But what hurts

The most is

Not being

Your fullest

Potential.

We all learn

And go our

Own path in

Life.

Tired but I'm used to it

This time tired for the right things.

I got to be doing something

To complete my destiny

Which is what I have been put on this world 

More than meets the eye

Infinity floats in the mind

But under all the facts

Lies the focus and understanding

Of what goals need to be met

For attention

I laughed at the boy 

Who was on the floor,

And laughed at the man

That complained some more,

I got mad at the big bully

Whose words I didn't ask for 

And I always wondered why,

People whine about their feelings.

Sunset Cliffs

I fell in love with a moment

That cannot return back to me

Until this day, I could never forget

Only good memories I never would

Want to ruin. I wait for this sunset

To end, but my love still burns

Maintained and paced, I realize

My water vibration frequency radiates

Around her, I enjoy being beside her

And that love meant a two way street.

We drove home that night, and the 

Chariot turned into a pumpkin.

It wasn't love it was more than that

Since the word has been misused

By my generation, I can no longer

Use it as a reference. I kissed her 

When the moment was right. As 

If I needed it to breathe, her ocean 

Was my horizon and nothing mattered 

For an infinite second. It was better

Than a lot of things I could think of,

It was a very good moment in my life

To remember.

Girl who stays in her room

She knows more skill than I'll ever be

And she is the complete opposite of me

Something I could never possibly see

Myself being with, I'm searching 

All the wrong places. But I'm finding

More about myself learning

Who I am. I see the world 

For what it is

And I love it

For the good and the bad

I don't complain

By practicing to be a good partner.

If she doesn't know who I am

Then she won't get hurt.

waiting

I just want to tell you already so that I know and get it over with not knowing is forever to me if I love you or not I need to know. too much or too fickle the feeling of wonder is great. the love I offer will be real and forever greatful

If my Heart never meant anything

Demoralizing power, take away Brownie point compliments, give and take, We are not math, we remember. we are human beings we are human beings december cold another new year looking forward to forget well my heart keeps me alive and the only thing worth teaching is respect

Forgive my infatuations

A fire in the sky

Kisses my sunkissed face 

As it sets about to die 

Greatful for your place

This universe wondering why

Amazed by miraculous happiness 

Love me without a trace 

She kissed me without telling me

Danger lurking near the shadows

The truth is my perception 

Nothing

No one can tell me how to feel complete.

Love doesn't mean anything unless you wait.

I don't feel attractive because I don't know what infinity feels like.

I don't know for sure unless I'm more than one hundred percent.

I told myself I need to be better than the person I was yesterday. 

I don't believe in anything anybody says anymore.

I can't go a day without beliving in myself.

I can feel the moment coming between my grasp.

I'm falling in love with the tragedy of life.

I see what's wrong with the future,

But that doesn't stop me from being who I was meant to be

Draught in my eyes

The sun setting upon my view 

Another day uncertain end we

Shall never take for granted 

Until something threatening 

Stabs you in the back. When 

My eyes close I never see black

I only see dark red. I never take 

Anything for granted anymore 

So I can walk away with my mistakes 

Like a man. The only thing that i know 

Is in for the race is my heart. My past will never matter like naked skeletons holding each other. My love only stands for right now. 

My love is eternal but only open to those who see it for what it is. My eyes are red but they don't scare you away. If you ever seen a tear tell them I stole it off a crocodile. I never knew a stranger until 

I knew myself.