And what's what I mean by when I say "nothing matters"

I saw a falling star on the way home from work. And immediately I made a wish without giving any thought. It was to be a good person. Sometimes in life, no matter how much I think I have done, with nothing but good intentions, somebody isn't going to like me. And sometimes, I wonder why. I could only reflect upon myself to ask such questions, and I assume things, and I become my own worst enemy. Sometimes I forget I over analyze trivial thinking. It feels good to say "I feel great". It feels good to have a good meal and sleep, to have somebody like me. I just want to be good to the people I feel who are good to me and for the ones who are not, I'll just smile anyway. Because in the end, when we are all old and grey, nothing is going to matter what people think or say about us.

art is most valuable in my posession

creation! for all the right things
a baby,
a child is a part of me and you. sometimes not me
everything inside you. by telling you what it means. completely, influenced by surroundings, summoned
by need of expression, pain and love,
care and time copywrited no longer mine,
I do not know what right and wrong means anymore,
another problem I need to fix
neglect my love set aside
feelings arise
because of my soul
whenever it chooses somebody to notice it
what will become of this
oh time tests truth
if energy changes into something else
let the end be something beautiful
I believe, oh I believe it must.

The word "Fuck".

Greatful for a life I can complain about,
sad because I wish I had privilege, my brain tells me
but deep down in my heart. When you dig deep down past
Austrailia and China into the core and somewhere outside
of what even makes sense anymore, you find
who gives a shit.

Happy because I am myself
happiness is true wealth
thankful because I still have two arms
attached with two hands
happy to be in a two man jam band
and that I have a job
where I can buy stuff
happy I can go to the doctor
and glad I am not sick of anything
sad that I'm sad that pretending to be sad makes me sad and that is sad
happy that I'm happy to think I'm happy because I am happy
making a reality without fucks
impossible because everyone chooses that special someone to dislike
about and reflect their communication by describing themselves
like smoking a cigarrete, letting themselves hurt their universe
getting worse
dying slowly
very inconspicious
but I know
because I been there, and probably may go back
because we miss it
like popping puss out a pimple
like venting and ranting to a cashier
like doing something
Everyday is the same
and we just fuck ourselves to pass the time
and have something to do

People like You and Me

I'm not afraid ov the people who walk around at night,
They all look the same
in the dim moonlight, the flashing car LED shine,
we're all walking somewhere, minding our own business,
I'm more afraid ov those who "know everything"
claiming to be psychic prophets
Dali once said "nobody is adequate to judge me"
and that is why he left art school.
And this is why nobody cares anymore.
And for the ones who still care,
They are the ones walking the streets
to nowhere

this is why I know

I don't want to jinx anything
On a heavy windy morning
Autumn came late, for me,
the price you pay to stay in bed,
the years have gone by so quickly,
what time is this?
On a bike to work, on a windy day,
took me more than I had to.
God is torturing me because maybe
I deserved it. I couldn't help
the bird with a broken wing.
Walking away from me, I wondered
where it went, as I worked the
eight hour shift. I smiled, and smiled
and nobody knew. And that's
how it should be. But I wasn't
taught real life in school. I had
to learn how to survive by myself.

unfound

things I used to like, a long time ago
we are, are and was, or is
I remember you when it was beautiful
and I close my eyes
it took me back
to everything right where everything was
in the very same spot, how it is supposed to be
I found something on the ground and it became mine
at the speed of sound, in a whisper
they talk about feelings in public
but sacred they are, rather when searched for
good
night
it was the most beautiful thing
it tasted sweet between my lips
and I got to witness the moon inside my eyes
appreciate the moment which was so good
a breath, await death, one less step, stumble
decisions mixed with delusions inside a vision
a path with someone elses footsteps
this is my life

deactivated facebook

yesterday I deactivated my facebook. The reason for my actions was because I felt like I was spending too much time on what was on peoples minds. It felt like a good outlet to unplug. I probably need time away, a break from social networking.

moving on

sometimes you have to do things in life you don't want to do. and "they" expect you to. is this the sad paradox of truth?

yogurt and chia

early to work

We all have our own torment and I can sympathsize in your art but I don't want to be in your own overwhelme me with being "kool" I don't think I'll ever wake up if I go to sleep so I won't ever be lazy

I know why people drink.
They always find a reason to celebrate,
and be happy, and do without, the think.
watch: our faces numb become prettier, and fate
collapses between your eyes. Drink to our youth!
Oh how famous or imfamous loud voices are heard!
The art of enticement in time-sensitive situations
The tounge teaches time to slowly appreciate rapport,
destine is at your fingertips

if I could post how I really feel so the world could understand

I just want to live a normal life now. I don't care for being famoua, being popular or being liked by everybody. I Just want to live my ongoing life in search for truth, love, and making memories that matter. I want to live a good life, Be a noble person, and I just want to be happy. Always understanding myself and why I decide to do things. be clear from all distractions. love,

reorganizing my room

it is a great feeling to come home to a room to mess up again. I bought some new shoes and I cant wait to get them in the mail. I've been due for some new shoes, my feet have been killing me. I have been meeting a lot of people who have back problems, people who are in pain. I fear that it would be the worst feeling in the world to be alive with constant pain. Even though, it may be bound to happen in my life. Perhaps I can prolong this from happening anytime soon. Always stay sharp, ready, patient, and humble.. In solidarity, Wesley Pacleb

10 days no smoking

10 days. Instead of writting how I feel, I will just write significant stories that occured in my life.

One night during a weekend folly. I walk into a liquor store to purchase some beer. As I wait in line, the person in front of me was talking to the cash attendant. Venting over something I really wasn't paying any attention about; but quietly, patiently awaiting my purchase. When it was my turn, I politely nodded and smirked, "How's it goin'?" The cash attendant smirked back and said "Good! Always good! You know when people say bad, and they complain? Why my life is like this, why my life is like that. My life is so bad. All these people complain and talk but don't make their lives better. It is up to the person to make their life better. That is why my life is always good." I simply nodded and understood everything this man told me. This is the reason why I don't myself down, because even if one has fallen, what matters is how fast one can get up. Always, look up and better yourself in any situation you are in. Positivity is improvment, you can always improve. The world is never perfect.

6 days no smoking

6 days it really sucks to start over. I have been using my money to learn how to cook for myself. I have been buying quinoa and mixing healthy food together. I have also been getting back to the habit of biking and exercizing

Lost things, in a clean room.
In return, forgotten memories reappear before my eyes.
overwhelmed by. thoughts, or the cling of coffee.
good times. simplicity. I am glad i have a bed.
sometimes I need to come back to you.
away from a scary reality. Outside they scream the first amendment,
but I remind myself the third.
I can't say thanks. Because we do not understand each other
polar opposites and inbetween stands
"I". and "don't" and "no"
forgetting to be written in books
or on the internet
by people who were born before I
let them live in my insipiration 
by living the moment and sharing air 
divination like love it bewares
a fire. flame. energy, in the game is not lost or transformed by definition
somewhere else it has been gained
plane jane playin along the words
freedom flying birds the prey is
inside a bigger brain
until fate recognizes balance. I can't say thanks

Relapse

I relapsed in June. I fell hard and I am going to recount the days again starting today. I feel as if I should record the good and the bad, inside my head I do not want to put myself down or make myself look bad in the public. I want to feel good about myself, I want to be healthy. Starting over again starting 7-6-2012

helping others is a great feeling

The best feeling in the world is when somebody thanks you for helping them achieve or has been guided in the best direction to follow their dream. I cannot explain how good it feels when someone appreciates the time and effort focused to help another person.

day 68 no smoking

i started to drink coffee, soda, and beer again and have been sluggish. going back to other bad habits. realizing things i need to break. my body is tired. i feel like i need to reevaluate myself. be more consistent as i continue to grow and better myself

love art

I love art. It comes from different aspects of life from other people. It teaches you to appreciate life and encourages you to keep going. no matter what... positive or negative, it encouranges you to feel. and i've said before and learned through my cousin (entropy) that "pain is a reminder that you are still alive." to me, art is something that can inspire or provoke one to survive. is this the paradox of art?

random conversations with barry

Wesley: We don't have anymore toothpaste?
Barry: Yeah, we need to get more toothpaste
Wesley: And chocolate

Day 54 no smoking

I remember the first time I started smoking. I hated it, but I thought I could get used to it. And once I got used to it, I never felt the same again. Today, I feel like I don't want it anymore, but I feel tired sometimes. I look at other people smoking and I think to myself about how everyone plays the rat race in life. There has been a time in my life where I never knew what it felt like to be a smoker. I remember when I was a little kid, my elementary school teacher told me smoking kills. Whenever I saw my dad smoking I would get really sad and tell him please dont smoke. and he promised me not to smoke anymore. for the longest time i never seen him smoke. only sometimes. right now I feel like sometimes is something I can't afford to do anymore.

Riusuke Fukahori

http://www.thisiscolossal.com/2012/01/riusuke-fukahori-paints-three-dimensional-goldfish-embedded-in-layers-of-resin/ http://vimeo.com/32967940

Day 41 No Smoking

What do you do when you see yourself at the top of the mountain?
You climb the next higher one
never give up

Day 40 No smoking

I am still coughing and I am working on getting new health insurance. I have been meditating to focus on listening to my body. I can feel certain parts of my body if I focus hard enough. I am also trying to understand myself more clearly. I plan to have a day to myself to write everything I need for myself: new ambitions, plans for the future, ideas, art. Bettering myself Always Wesley Pacleb

have you ever

Have you ever been "scared",
to admit that you are?
yet you do it anyway.
This is what it means to be an artist.

I have the guts to be who I am.
And take the critticism that comes with it
so I can become a better person
and plan ahead for success.

Be strong for tomorrow

Life As An Artist

An undenying label:
something each of us are capable
of doing construing the enviable
words like voices, pencil touch paper with choices
lilys in gardens, on sidewalk cracks near track tracks
on paths that intersect and kill
where the motivation inside our mind
mistakes inevitable; so kind
even found in the blind
heard of desired
you feel like a queen or king
everything in life in between
something we both can understand or
hate and love or feel indifferent
lose it all a risk so consequent
life be hell, did I fail?
time is something people
only learn to value in jail
in our own tribulation
we use art to purge
so with without further adieu
without any consideration
I leave my greatest soul on display
for all to listen or neglect

disolving dream

for whatever its worth
to keep finding myself disappearing
like that. I'm being blown away like a kite
like money, like friends.. where do they go?
i can't afford myself the time
reaching for a touch ov this vanishing mirage
for all I live for, the signs
keep disappearing, and time is just a touch
away I call dreams the air I need to live.
please keep me alive,
when you keep me in mind,
tell me love is real and not just a story
only from a friend. where do they go
like money, time is just a touch away
id rather dream and have something to live for
i cant afford myself the time it is something you can never get back
dont take away my dream it is the only reason why i live

day 34 no smoking

I stopped coughing. I don't want to smoke but I kind of get headaches and noticed I want to rest more. I am still keeping positive and exercizing.

Regression

There are no such thing as ideas anymore.
They are shared or if not,
unwritten history; yet again:
rich off or poor of.
Black and White. :
they beg for more,
and I just don't want to. <----- !
At the end of the day,
they fight so hard,
but they are fighting their own flaws.
yet they seem to get nothing out of it,
the feeling ov people just talking at you,
not even saying anything of importance.
Except your parents who knew all along
that your dreams couldn't become true
because you were born into "struggle"
and then we believe their ideas;
because we are just lazy.
Just. normal.
I never was normal,
nor never wanted to be.
Let society consume you,
let yourself be at ease,
I'd rather die,
BECAUSE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS
the intellectual is alone and before its time
sometimes they destroy themselves
with drugs to think like one of us
a selfish act but only human

I've been learning how to do things by myself. I am learning to get lost in books, in nature, meditation, I can enjoy and appreciate the feeling ov healing myself.

my story is still getting told

When will anyone appreciate what an artist has to say? What does it take? Will they listen 20 years from now, or when we die? Is this why to be an artist we must learn to find patience?

die in me.
die
die
die
di
.
.
.
.
.

day 24

still coughing and it is annoying. I am ___, for no reason. my throat is itchy. I went to 24 hour fitness and had a good sleep. woke up early, early, early bird catches the worm. I want to make more art. I am traumatized by crazy people. Why are there people like this in the world? I just close the door and lock it so I don't have to worry about it all. Don't want to see you smoke, or hang out with you to watch you smoke. I want ice cream instead. And bike rides

I can now honestly say that "I love myself" and ready to accept whatever life will give to me.

day 15 no smoking

I am starting to feel heathier but I still have an annoying cough

Absolute Obsoletism

Anybody want to see my broken macbook charger collection? We live in the age of "Absolute Obsoletism", where everything is meant to break at a certain amount of years or we have to keep updating on the next top gadget. Is this another way the 1% is screwing us?

day 4

embarrassed of my bad habits,
yet even more so proud of what
had accomplished aside minor short comings.
Once you've quit, you begin to feel the pain,
scared of the stigma; saying reminding words "you've said that before."
Who are you trying to adore? Oh, the crave for addiction
is longing for more, for what will my body give me today,
take another chance take another step into death
I do not feel invincible now clouded mind memories forgotten how
what did I do just a moment ago, little things bother me I think I think
too much. My body needs rest and people take it the wrong way, my eyes
think its morning but im just mourning. Is this what it takes to go back to normal?
Life is boring without smoking, at least you have something to do; time by time
subtracting time, harming the unharmful global economical anti healthnut vegetarian smoker
the smell of my hands reak I chased my lover away with my breath, I hate myself so I do it to myself
excuse myself but I am only stressed out I am sick so I smoke more so I wont I just want one lousy hit
I will wake you up for one what have I become?... no. no. I don't wan't to, no... these are just words
I've said that before, and I broke my promise even more times I can't even remember. Just because
4 days ago I havn't touched a smoke doesn't mean I would do it again. my throat is dry. why? I hope
it will heal. I am lost in emotion. who can understand me? oh... a smoker. i forgot. leave me alone,
I gotta go the other way. I'm angry and hungry gotta hide it the first thing I notice i'll bite it. Like my tounge dizzy
we only got one/ chance so fight and take it. I look up to my ambition and it can be applied to anything, not just art.
I remember telling myself my body is an artform, a temple. one day I want to have kids now. I need to stop my bad habits now.
My dad once said "if you can't stop smoking you're weak minded" I get embarrassed everytime I smoke.
You can't stop a drug addict. The drug addict can only stop himself. Now that I'm older I worry about my health
and when we are young we like to dance with death.

favorite blogger

http://www.myspace.com/dirtydanny1/blog

opprotunity

Friday we meet again. Letting the sun kiss my skin
Working hard on improving within
Until it gets dark I gotta go
and hit the road and hurry home
if you want you can text me on the phone
belonging felt good but now im in my zone
lights camera action im ready for the show
keeping my mind patient and kind
they can talk but im ready to walk
alone when we die but I know we are all aiming at the sky
stay high no time to wonder why
its kinda funny when they want you to fall
all i know is make myself better
even if they put me against the wall
positive in any weather and whether
rain or shine I fight for the light see it in my eyes
another time another rhyme no stopping anytime
dedicated to having fun and being hard
fighting for every opprotunity to make whats mine
being me is the greatest reward
because at the end of the day I didn't fail I tried
adapting to a new age at my pace
mr nonstop mr nevergivingup if you see me around
saying whats up times a wasting another town in the time
we share the space the air what it is or what it could be

If I could remember everything that made me who I am today.
I can just look back with a smile thinking someday
nothing will be forsaken and all that wasted energy worrying
was just another path in the rat race we all must find out for ourselves
our lives are all tall tales and masks we read as we walk into this pool
of society while I be me sometimes I just watch and let things be.

Everytime

Whenever I drive and I see a mountain I always think of you. Knowing you are just one obstacle away from the grass that's greener on the other side. Thankful that I'm alive to feel something meaningful like a good dream. Sometimes I go on top of this mountain to see the city more vibrant than the sky where I live, missing the way you make me think, missing the way you make me feel. Everytime now, I can honestly see how far I went without even noticing the stars. Another day when I can't chase the moon, I run for the hills. Patiently pacing through life I stare up as the days set, a purple hue and orange depth casts the horizon. Everytime I think of you I believe I am with you. And I write this because I believe in my faith that one day you will come back. Like a morning kiss, in the nights I sleep alone or when I come home my feelings are left in my room, dangling wrinkly, unironed. They are left there so I won't worry. Everything is fine, because the things you want and the idea of waiting makes it more exciting.

dreaming again

Like a dream I am comfortable to see you
yet again as I begin to know you too well
I'm getting blown away into reality
only in a moment where I can get my point across
and the time of rest we had felt like intimacy
for they were only pieces of lost memory
it is something one couldn't dwell
upon the merky depths we have
and romanticize about until we come to our senses
don't tell me what to do!
or tell me what to believe in!
why dont you
tell me again what not to believe in!
it's only a dream and I can't go back.
like life it will never be the same.
one slow and one fast forward game
endless endless refrain.

AGinETyST

I believe what I did was sincere. I was truthful about the situation that happened and that is all that matters to me. Because I have nothing to hide and that is what makes me calm. Try and stress me with your lies because it wont work. I know who I am, and for those who seek truth look me in the eyes.

With Out Warning.

Remembering a scent ov a dying rose
Like love it comes and goes
life lets energy turn into something else
beauty never truly fades away in memory
nothing lasts forever unless you cherrish a moment
all I know is that forever means from right now
to 5 minutes, to 5 hours, tomorrow, 5 years from now, etc...

destine

I told my first college oil painting teacher Robert Kobashi before he retired that I would die an artist. How hard it is to die when you survive each day. Forgetting what it means to stop, a promise to keep. who knows what life may bring. These are the things everybody endures. I am growing up now, time is running out and decisions need to be made. I seen in his eyes that he was tired. Sometimes I feel tired. Even when I'm tired whatever excuse there is, there must be time to not believe in it.

A man knows what he's doing

Learned response
on floor falling coins
to be picked up no time
or Tossed?
penny smart
dollar short
are the things in life
i must retort
let the truth be told
brutally.
beautifully.
love must be fed
hate is love
emotions certainly cannot be forced\
i want to?
no, because I need to.
raised not to show
yet they all want to know
and things that I want grow old and blow away
or change or copied
there is alway something different today
except what i write
something I dare might echo forever
and fuck myself in the long run.

running away

Running away from chance
A fog of love
Was from When
it meant something
We do
anything
except give up
my love
poor love
gave up on me.