day 4

embarrassed of my bad habits,
yet even more so proud of what
had accomplished aside minor short comings.
Once you've quit, you begin to feel the pain,
scared of the stigma; saying reminding words "you've said that before."
Who are you trying to adore? Oh, the crave for addiction
is longing for more, for what will my body give me today,
take another chance take another step into death
I do not feel invincible now clouded mind memories forgotten how
what did I do just a moment ago, little things bother me I think I think
too much. My body needs rest and people take it the wrong way, my eyes
think its morning but im just mourning. Is this what it takes to go back to normal?
Life is boring without smoking, at least you have something to do; time by time
subtracting time, harming the unharmful global economical anti healthnut vegetarian smoker
the smell of my hands reak I chased my lover away with my breath, I hate myself so I do it to myself
excuse myself but I am only stressed out I am sick so I smoke more so I wont I just want one lousy hit
I will wake you up for one what have I become?... no. no. I don't wan't to, no... these are just words
I've said that before, and I broke my promise even more times I can't even remember. Just because
4 days ago I havn't touched a smoke doesn't mean I would do it again. my throat is dry. why? I hope
it will heal. I am lost in emotion. who can understand me? oh... a smoker. i forgot. leave me alone,
I gotta go the other way. I'm angry and hungry gotta hide it the first thing I notice i'll bite it. Like my tounge dizzy
we only got one/ chance so fight and take it. I look up to my ambition and it can be applied to anything, not just art.
I remember telling myself my body is an artform, a temple. one day I want to have kids now. I need to stop my bad habits now.
My dad once said "if you can't stop smoking you're weak minded" I get embarrassed everytime I smoke.
You can't stop a drug addict. The drug addict can only stop himself. Now that I'm older I worry about my health
and when we are young we like to dance with death.