Just water?

i have not succumb to soda thr past few days, but i did notice my addiction flare up in different forms. i noticed that i unconsciously ordered a mcdonalds sugary coffee and a hortchata which is not improving my diet. im going to attempt to just drink water only for a while and see the results on my health mentally and physically

Attempt to stop drinking soda

whenever i want to cool off or something cold, I go for a diet coke. my favorite place to get sodas is happy liquor in long beach. sometimes i get cbd sodas, diet coke and my favorite right now is cannonborough craft. ive deveoped a belly and its something i want to get rid of. i remember quitting soda before. i hiked by myself to the hollywood sign and got lost... i saw houses with pools and i tried to climb a fence to jump into the pool. i saw a couple have a picnic and felt i was disturbing them as i was dying alone with all these people around me. as i treaded my wmay down the mountain, i came along a park and a playground with a water fountain. i walked to it and pressed the button and as the water jumped i felt the coldest revival of life touch my soul. and that point on I swore off soda. I also had hate and resentment towards a certain person who i do not wish to name, but i kept reminding myself that i never wish to become like them. Todays goal, I have no drive fueled by comparing myself to another person, I just want to like myself again. I want to feel good and i need to work on myself really well. I need to put in the work and this time appreciate my journey. I felt like that was something I lacked along my journey last time. time to rebrand myself once again and live a new life.

they say the most loneliest place is being around the wrong people...

have you ever sat on a table surrounded by people who you knew nothing to talk about and saw the ones you wanted to talk to from a distance? well this time im going to use my legs and walk over to the area i want to sit with

you know my whole life i wasted it on being sad. i remember being sad for 3 years straight. i remember my teens, being sad. I remember being sad because someone didn’t like me. and im tired of that shit. i mean, why do i even exist just to automatically be negative all the time? there’s something else that is better out there that i am not focusing on. you know, ever since I practically told myself that whoever brought me into this world, this life that I live right now. that I should show them in return, that I could make this life worth living.

God and Beast

Everyday I yearn for someone to share my life with maybe I just don't see who I'm sharing with

I told a group of people that a part of me died that moment,

When I knew you wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

What was it inside my mind that made me think

You were meant for me?

A part of me always dies

Like skin cells another one regrows to adapt to this world.

Love thyself before anything else.

Even my bestfriend will leave me.

Does the human memory even matter?

We are so evolved and so smart, we created ego.

But it does not matter, in fact it is a double edge sword of omega and alpha.

All the things I have wont matter.

All of me in a pile

The best version of myself.

Thank you for never giving up on me

It was never your obligation
You knew you just had to be there
our bond was a genuine reciprocation
God watching from above listening
but does only stay silent
Like a teacher, during a test.
A feeling that has wronged me.
To learn resilience from the face of advesity.
To find God in my prayer,
and I found myself, in the right state of mind.
and to forgive the sorrows of my past.
what gave me passion to be a better person.
all the things I lost
were never mine.
material things
were only to impress
others who never cared about me in the first place
now I see
the right ones
who cheered me on
since the beginning
now I am
focusing
on the good
now I am aware
what I feed
you helped me see
what I could not
and that is
proof miracles exist.